Tag Archive: nervous

The above video*- it looks quite gross, but it’s funny, right? The seemingly innocent situation, the sweat, their faces.

Well, I have a confession. I am that guy, sometimes. Not that I’m a part-time guy, or that I suffer from sweat patches or premature sweating, or pull frog-like faces in front of guys I’m interested in, I hope. But sometimes, I can get quite nervous when speaking to someone I fancy.

I thought I had left those adolescent days behind me:

  • I shouldn’t avoid eye contact, glaring at the floor with my eyes wide open, like some crazy woman,
  • I can’t laugh hysterically and loudly like I’m on drugs at every-single-thing the person says, to the point where the guy is deafened,
  • I can’t literally runaway and hide behind a bush or a tree to recuperate anymore after having the smallest of small-talk conversations with ‘that guy’,
  • I can no longer ‘playfully’ punch a guy’s arm until he bruises,
  • and despite what some people think, in particular my sister’s ex-lecturer, I can blush, fool, in particular when I have red wine, but I should stop blushing and grinning like a cheshire cat in these types of situations.

I can’t do any of these things anymore because, you know, I’m a BIG woman now, dammit! I am smooth, suave and sophisticated. Well, I’m not really, but I can lie to myself, right? This illusion was dispelled when I went to a spoken word event.

So, I was sitting down in the basement of a pub with the lights dimmed down low, conversing with my cousin, when a particularly handsome guy caught my eye. He’s one of the night’s performers. His words, and his stature, were quite mesmorising as he bared his soul, or someone else’s soul, for all to see. *bites fist and mimics crying*

My cousin said: “He’s alright.” He’s “alright”???!!!

So anyway, the event finished, and I worked the room with my networking skills, as best as I could, anyway. And you know, it was going fine, until I got to ‘him’.

I confidently flagged him down from across the room. Ok, so maybe he was just a few paces away from me.

‘Ok, Monique, think of something deep and meaningful to say,’ I told myself.

“I er… really liked your… er… poems?” I said in what must have been the faintest of voices. I personally thought what I’d said had boomed around the room.

“Sorry?” he replied.

‘Oh. My. Days. He was one of the poets, right?… It was him- he DID recite his poems, just speak a bit louder,’ I said to myself.

“Your poems- I really liked them,” I exclaimed.

“Thank you,” he beamed, but I could tell he was thinking: ‘What is this little girl on?’

Awkward silence.

I struggled to recall a poem- just one of his poems, or even what I liked about his set in general, but the rush of blood to my head prevented me from thinking clearly.

For networking purposes, I usually ask for some sort of contact details. But I decided to ask for this instead:

“Do you have a website?” I said, with a bit more confidence now.

“Yes it’s blah, blah, blah”, and he proceeded to write it in my phone, which I had just handed to him.

“Thanks. And your gigs, they’re all listed on there, right?”

“Yes they are.” He said something else, but my mind just went blank, so I can’t recall what was said. The word ‘go’ kept resounding in my head.

“Ok, thanks. Bye,” I said, and I bolted towards my cousin. I spoke to a few more people, and then we left.

Just before we left, another of the night’s poets was particularly popular, and a throng of giggling girls surrounded him in their dozens.

‘Grow a pair, you groupies,’ I said, to myself.

So, to take my own advice, I must grow a pair… of female… balls… That sounded a lot better in my head. Meh.


*I do not endorse the use of Lynx to increase your confidence when speaking to the opposite sex. The ‘Lynx effect’ is just a clever marketing ploy, and is one I wish I had thought of to make me filthy rich.


Look out, world!

“This is the end of your driving test. … You’ve passed, congratulations.”

I didn’t really hear what she said after that, I was just in disbelief- I was stunned! I seriously thought I failed. I was just so nervous.

At the beginning of the test, I couldn’t even open the car doors properly. Then during one of my “Show me/tell me” questions I couldn’t turn on the ignition to show how I would check that the steering was ok. I explained it all very well, but then she said that she wanted me to show her.

I spoke very slowly, so that I had enough time to figure out how to turn on the ignition. “So… to… check… the… steeeeeerrrrrinnnnnnngggg… wheel…” I knew the theory, but for the life of me, the key would. Not. Budge!

The examiner saw through my stalling, and she told me to just unlock the wheel. ‘This doesn’t look good,’ I said to myself, and I began to sweat.

All I can say is that when you are nervous you do stupid things. …Ok, so I have to admit, I didn’t know all of that stuff in the first place, but, you know…

So I was driving around and it was all fine. I made sure that I checked the mirrors- all the time!! The examiner directed me to a quiet area, told me to stop and asked me to parallel park the car.

Usually when I do this manoeuvre I’m a tad bit far away from the curb (I think it’s because I’m a bit short). So this time I thought I would turn the car in a bit later. The car was slowly, but surely, fitting into place and it nearly aligned up perfectly to the car in front. That is until I felt the car bump something lightly.

‘Oh God, oh God, I hope no one else noticed that,’ I thought. The examiner told me to drive off. I knew she felt the bump- I KNEW it! I thought I failed, but I carried on and was less nervous.

I pretty much noticed every mark she made on the paper (five minors in all, but it felt like more for some reason). There was one other incident where some woman in a car parked in a really awkward place on a red route road I was trying to turn on to, while on a gradient!

“She’s making this really difficult for you. Isn’t she?”

“Mm-hmm,” I replied to the examiner, but in my head I screamed, ‘Yes she IS making it really difficult for me- MOOOOOVVVEEEEE, woman!’

It took me ages to move from that spot because of the oncoming traffic as well. I managed to stall on the gradient when I had a chance to move off. Curses. I did say “Damn” out loud at this point, which demonstrated to the examiner that I was becoming frustrated.

Despite all of the incidents and my nervousness, I really do thank God for passing. He knows I don’t have any money for more lessons and exams. Plus I had the added pressure that my younger sister would never let me forget that she passed first time, if I failed.

I remember being really nervous even during me driving lessons. Sometimes it got to the point where I would return home with my back drenched in sweat, as if I had just ran a marathon. To understand the significance of this, you have to know that I hardly sweat when I exercise, and it’s certainly not to the extent where I’m dripping in it, no siree. So I was ridiculously nervous. One day my instructor told me in a Jamaican accent: “Just chill. Trueeee?” And this has been my mantra ever since.

Now that I’ve passed, I just need to get used to driving my sister’s car *nervous laughter*.


No more pretend driving for me, although admittedly, these photos were taken AFTER I passed my test… *cough*